Deployment Day 89: 4th of July

Tonight I experienced some breakthrough. As I sat and watched my children play while waiting for the fireworks to start I realized that I am harboring bitterness about this deployment. I struggled tonight with it when I saw all the complete families enjoying the show together. I had time to reflect on all the families without their loved ones especially those whose loved ones are no longer here with them. I prayed for these people that I don't know and I released my bitterness. I got down in the grass with my children and surrendered my bad attitude.

The show started and I began to remember watching fireworks when I was a child. I laid down on the blanket and the fireworks looked like they were falling on me. This is exactly what I did when I was a kid. My girls were next to me oohing and awing just like I did when I was little girl. Then the music changed. The song American soldier came on and the tears began to fall. The way the lake was lit up, the loud explosions, and the music that played made it feel like I was on a battlefield. This was my battlefield. I have been fighting an inner battle. I allowed the tears to continue to flow. I prayed through the tears and I was reminded of the words from a Chris Tomlin song...I will lift my hands.

"Be still, there is a healer His love is deeper than the sea 
 His mercy, it is unfailing His arms are fortress for the weak
Let faith arise Let faith arise 
I lift my hands to believe again 
 You are my refuge, You are my strength 
As I pour out my heart These things, I remember  
You are faithful, God, forever"

Even though it is late I feel at rest. I trust God and I am comforted by His presence. I want to become more of who He created me to be. It is not an easy process but it is worth it. 

~ Angela

At the lake waiting for the Fireworks!

Not sure why they don't look happy...it was Hot!

Relaxing on the blanket

Aidan made a cross with sticks.

My girls waiting for the Fireworks to start!