Deployment Day 60: What am I so afraid of...

I have not been invited to do something I have never done before. The first time I was asked I was afraid and shocked. And the second, and the third, and now the fourth time it is no different. I am afraid and shocked. I want to serve the Lord in this way but I wrestle with inadequacy.

I have led youth in worship, campers in worship, led worship at women and youth retreats, and led congregational worship. One position I have always held no matter where or who I am leading in worship is that I am a teacher. I am teaching through the practice of worship myself. I have discovered that my freedom in worship give other people permission to do the same. I am not talking about raising hands, dancing, clapping hands, or even smiling. I am also not suggesting that they do what I do. What I am suggesting and what I have experienced is that by practicing freedom myself I unconsciously give other people permission to access that same freedom in their own life. I don't believe this can be done without the Holy Spirit and if I am not committed to the calling to lead people to the feet of Jesus.  None of my decisions can be about me. I must be fully surrendered to His plan. 

Romans 12:8 if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully

 In fact I have tried in the past to do it by my own strength and ability and I failed terribly! Since then I have learned that I can never approach leading worship the same way I approached music in the professional realm.

I have learned that Jesus is the worship leader and He is the only mediator between God and man. I just want to be His vessel. I am committed to teaching truth and directing others to the Source. 

Phil. 3:3 For we who worship by the Spirit of God are the ones who are truly circumcised. We rely on what Christ Jesus has done for us. We put no confidence in human effort 

     

...the real power comes from the Holy Spirit.

I want to be a teacher that encourages others to be moved by the beauty of God's Glory and not moved by the music! I want to make sure God's word is sung, proclaimed, preached, explained, treasured, and reveled in. 

I am learning so much but I still fight against my own flesh. Here I am again. In this place. Afraid. This time I think I am less afraid of being inadequate and more afraid that God has entrusted me to be a teacher. To God be the Glory! 

~Angela

P.S. We are two months into the deployment!